Mr. Mouth-breather

Tokyo is home to any number of web-footed, mouth-breathing demi-humans, but there is only one Mr. Mouth-breather.

You will know him by his location. He has chosen to haunt the train lines of West Tokyo.

You will know him by his appearance. He wears boxy glasses and looks exactly like George Takei circa 10 years ago.

lemonAnd you will know him by his teeth, which are as blackened as those of any Edo-era courtesan.

Mr. Mouth-breather will, as is his wont, breathe on you. With his mouth.

It is a mouth that, though barely 7:30 am, will already be a potent mixture of coffee and cigarettes. And possibly decay.

Mr. Mouth-breather’s breath is such that, even in the artificially heated air circulating through the train cabin, it is palpably recognizable.

And unrepentantly potent.

Siegfried the legendary warrior may well have slain a dragon and bathed in its blood, but even mighty Siegfried would be given pause by the foetid fumes issuing from Mr. Mouth-breather’s dry, cracked lips.

Should you see Mr. Mouth-breather, make no mistake — the blast area of that yawning chasm of a mouth is an area you would do well to avoid.

You have been warned.


10 Responses

  1. You had me worried for a minute there, but then I remember 7:30am is not a time you’ll find me on the trains in western Tokyo :).

    I do seem to be encountering more than my fair share of furiously masticating salarypersons though.

  2. *shivers*

  3. sporting a dark navy suit?

  4. i think I’m going to throw up…

  5. Absolutely hideous. But wait till it is last train and he is on his way home from a bender…

  6. I still can’t get over the fact that George Takei is gay…

  7. Ever seen that episode of Star Trek where he’s fencing down the Enterprise corridor with his shirt off and chest all greased up? Yeah, that was pretty gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  8. Mr. Throat-clearer is pretty bad, too. Especially when you can hear a lung-cookie come up.

  9. I find it even more disturbing that I actually remember that particular episode of Star Trek… There is nothing wrong with being gay, but there certainly is something very wrong with the greased up fencing…

  10. OH god! I think I have ran into this person before.

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