The new trick

Anyone who’s done the blogging thing from sunny Tokyo will invariably, at some point, bitch about the transportation system.

Efficient: check
On time: check
Packed with a bunch of belligerent assholes: Check and check

trickUsually, said assholery revolves around the theme of, “I don’t see you and therefore am going to take the space you’re currently occupying, preferably by cutting in front of you.” This morning, however, I was privy to an entirely new level of assholery, a raising of the bar in matters related to being a rude cunt.

The train had arrived at our station. The doors opened, and the people had gushed forth and begun flopping around as if being released onto the deck of a fishing boat. I was approaching the door, with one or two persons in front of me.

And that’s when it happened. The new trick.

Tokyo people cutting in front of you is par the course. Having them push behind you to try and get you to hurry up is an everyday occurence. But this, dear Reader, was something altogether different.

As I was walking forward, a lady behind me, possibly in her mid-twenties, reached out and grabbed the handrail to the right of one of the train seats — and yanked with all her strength, attempting to open up a gap and pull herself forward and in front of me.

It was quite ingenious really. And I appreciated that genius while elbowing her sharply back where she belonged.

I exited the train, as did Madam Puller a few seconds later. She then ran at full speed toward the escalator, attempting to cut her way into a choice spot in line. The crowd resisted, however, giving me plenty of time to wander up, give her another sharp nudge and cut my way in front of her.

Oh, yes. This is how I roll.

Incidentally, somebody gave me a cold, and I’m not very happy about it.



11 Responses

  1. I have an issue with the same guy every morning who, with about 30 seconds to go before we arrive at Shinjuku, makes his way up through the carriage. Now, i’m in about the 4th carriage because it suits the stairs, so i’m thinking this guy should start his run a bit earlier than 30 seconds out if he’s trying to make it to car 1. Day in day out he’s in a hurry, like it’s the first time it’s ever happened!!!

  2. What an insight this is. We have a very high end outlet shopping center near where I live, which is mostly visited by Asians…I always assume they’re Japanese, but honestly I don’t know. It’s one of those things I have to spend the time to figure out…the differences in facial features.


    They are unbelievable. They act like we aren’t there. They move forward in lines in which they should be at the end. They ask for things they should in no way be given. And they are always impeccably dressed. I am very very intrigued by them. And I want to know where they get all their money!

  3. Not sure about this “on time” thing, every day this week (well, there have only been two so far) I get onto the Yamanote line platform to see the destination indicators not displaying any departure times, which is a sure sign that everything is out of whack. On the other hand the trains do keep coming, just not at the advertised times, so can’t complain too much I suppose.

  4. Wow, JT, I think I should start believing in god so I can start thanking him for not making me have a job right now so I can also be thankful for not having to hop on the subway during rush hour/push hour so I can therefor give thanks for never using my two days of self-defense and three weeks of kick boxing classes to seriously injure any J-bitches in my train car unfamiliar with the term “wait your turn”.

  5. This morning when I was switching trains at Iidabashi and was about to get into line at the ticket gate, the man walking in front of me decided he didn’t like how long the line was and maneuvered around to the side of it, forcing his way in that way.

    Irritating. As. Fuck.

  6. But I have seen a very effecient way of clearing room for yourself on a packed train. I was once behind (thankfully) a man who threw up in a packed train giving splash damage to at least 10 people. I’m not sure how they did it, but all of a sudden space became available so he could enjoy the rest of the ride. Not sure what happened with the guy who insisted that he should buy him a new shirt due to this though.

    I also like the morning train rage fights that can break out sometimes.

  7. When you start closing the gaps in anticipation of some fuckery in order to prevent it, that’s when you know you’ve become a seasoned veteran of the 動物電車.

    When you find yourself opening the gaps back up a little to entice someone to engage in a little fuckery, only to close the gap back up quickly and bring the hammer down, that’s when you know you’ve finally crossed over to the dark side.

  8. OMG….
    “The train had arrived at our station. The doors opened, and the people had gushed forth and begun flopping around as if being released onto the deck of a fishing boat.”
    Shinagawa Station in the morning! I love it!!

  9. You elbowed a woman on the train once, and then again unprovoked as she hurried to get somewhere and failed, and are proud of it? Wtf? And you complain that the ‘people’ here do not treat others like they are ‘people’? You’re as bad as they are, if not worse, because you seem to know this kind of thing is wrong. Good lord.

  10. You’re on a bit of a rampage today, aren’t you?

  11. Hey Jt, just catching up…
    Interesting post!


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