The most insane spam mail I have ever received

This has nothing at all to do with Japan, and as such has no business being on this blog — yet on this blog it is.

Why? Because it is without a doubt the most insane spam e-mail in the history of spam e-mails. I have no idea what it is attempting to convey, but the astoundingly bad English had me fighting back laughter in the graveyard-like silence of a workplace that has become devoid of laughter.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with the e-mail.

Help yyourself on Christmas!
More information: CLICK HERE

Where a quiet conversation was possible. He ordered, of all
the laws of smoking. He turned toward coke. She could easily
have done thatpowdering her nose to the marquis and lady
florimel. Simultaneously all, what good would it be to her?
she flung up.

Fucking poetry, I tell you.

10 Responses

  1. Wow. What in the holy fuck is going on here?

  2. Did you “CLICK HERE”?

    I imagine it’s a portal into what was once known as a Nova-7C classroom, whereby one stoned fucking gaijin is teaching creative writing, Raymond Chandler style. The above must surely be his prize student’s best effort.

    I recommend that John Turningpin stand on his desk, drop his trousers and scream DEVOID OF LAUGHTER to his fellow cube-mates!

    I’m telling you–we should all go out in a blaze of glory like this bloke:

    This guy sets the bar.

    And generally, fuck man, do you have a flask in your desk? That should be your first order of business.

  3. The banal explanation: an attempt to fool mail filters with random text.

    Evidently I had some time on my hands a couple of years ago and created this mini-novel using only re-arranged snippets of spam text. Nothing here is made up:

    Part 1
    Part 2
    Part 3
    Part 4

  4. I did not CLICK HERE, actually. Being told to CLICK HERE tends to have the opposite effect on me. If I had been told to NOT CLICK HERE, however, I probably would have done so.

    Aah, those Nova 7C classrooms. Careful 六甲マザーファッカー, or people might think we know each other from real life. Which we do. Which makes my initial admonition somewhat nonsensical. I think on my last day here, I will in fact scream “DEVOID OF LAUGHTER!!!!11” before running shrieking out the door.

    Penguin, your SpamStory is incredible. All that was merely re-worked spam text?!

  5. Yup, there was a wave of those emails with jumbled sentences obviously from the same narrative, so I had a game stab at rearranging them to make, err, more sense.

    (Link to part 4 now fixed BTW).

  6. “She flung up”

    I do that quite often, actually.

  7. Honestly, though, the more I read it the more impressed I am. I especially like the part where the writer addresses his audience with “Simultaneously all” and then proceeds to ask, “what good would it be to her?”

    She flung up.

    So deep.

  8. What, are you kidding? After a pitch like that I am totally sold! Gimme that link to click!

    Maybe it’s just a trick to beat the filters, or maybe they’ve just got Corey Haim or Ozzy Osbourne writing their copy. Those two certainly turned toward coke, “powdered” their noses, and flung up a few times. In fact, I don’t think either of them have come back down yet.

  9. Clearly he’s writing a Regency drama filled with stolen conversations and snuff-fueled sex with the landed gentry while at work. Bravo I say!

  10. Next thing you’ll know you’ll see it on a T-shirt in Shibuya. Are you sure this isn’t spam from Japan?

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