Waste not, want not

“Oh, man” The Plain mutters.
The Plain often mutters to himself. Usually it’s about things IT related — in your short time with the firm, you’ve never seen anyone more prone to software crashing, computer rebooting or hunt-and-peck typing than The Plain.
“Oh, man” he mutters again. You hear the mutter from behind you; your attention is [...]

Awesome.

Having gotten such a kick last week out of the weirdness that is your coworker Mr. Balls, you’ve found yourself listening in to his conversations to see if he has any other interesting anecdotes. Or updates regarding the state of his genitalia.
Unfortunately, neither have been forthcoming.
What has been forthcoming, however, is Mr. Balls’ rather annoying [...]

Mr. Balls

It is your second week at the new job.
The work is challenging, but rewarding. You find yourself once again cursing your old job, which — during the year and a half in which you were employed — was of no benefit whatsoever.
Except, that’s not entirely true.
The job itself had as much merit as a [...]

Through the looking glass

You walk through the revolving doors that take you from the lobby of your new office to the sprawling concrete courtyard beyond.
A looped recording cautions you to be careful, as failure to do so could — regardless of the fact that the winged panes of that door revolve at a pace that would have [...]

It rubs the lotion on its skin

You’re sitting across the table from the woman who will shortly be your supervisor.
To your left, fellow new recruit The Posture sits bolt upright, clearly nervous and nodding with almost manic intensity to show that, yes, he is indeed listening to the boss. You, by comparison, are leaned back in your chair, arm at [...]

Identity theft

You are standing at the train platform with three of your friends.
You have just concluded a tasty, multi-course meal at a nearby Cambodian restaurant run by a portly fellow who would gesture in mock anger whenever the male patrons weren’t drinking enough alcohol.
Needless to say, he was your kind of fellow.
You originally met all [...]

Four homeless men

I’ve actually been sitting on this post for the past couple days while contemplating the potential moral backlash.
It then occurred to me, however, that in a previous post, I not only insulted most of Tokyo, I capped it off with a picture of Jesus Christ flipping the bird. Thus, it would seem the moral outrage [...]

October 9, 2007

In the present, your pointless day at work has concluded.
You are walking down the street toward Shimbashi Station when a propaganda-blaring loudspeaker van comes idling up behind you. Like all propaganda vans, it is loud and gleefully obnoxious; in contrast to its brethren, however, this one is narrated not by a man but by [...]

Yamato logic

You are seated across from your boss, trying to make sense of the situation as it has been presented to you.
Two months ago, you were promoted.
In the present, you are being reprimanded for not having put sufficient effort into the Excel document that charts your goals for FY09…
while being repeatedly told there is a high [...]

Field of view

The New Girl is staring at you.
Up until a few moments ago you’d been slurping up today’s lunch, also known as last night’s sukiyaki with a quarter bottle of Louisiana Habanero Hot Sauce poured into it. You always eat on the clock around 11:30; that way, you can spend the whole lunch hour without squandering [...]