Coffee prick

I’m an ornery person, dear Reader. This will come as no surprise if you’ve spent any time glancing over my profanity-infused writings. And perhaps because of this goddamn cold that won’t go away, or the fact that I was tossing back a Theraflu and vodka at 3:00 this morning while watching episode 2 of The Mentalist (a sort of silly show that nonetheless manages to entertain), I realized today that I also really hate this fucker.

lie

Yes, you.

You stare at me on the trains. You stare at me from vending machines. You’re always either staring at me or looking contemplatively off into the distance. Who the fuck are you and what do you want?!

Apparently, the good folks at Kirin thought that this tosser would make the perfect poster child for their Kirin Fire line of canned coffee. They also thought it would be hip and edgy to make him a man of substance, a man of unswayable morals. Look no further than the incredibly deep tagline below.

嘘は
嫌いだ。

“I hate … [dramatic pause] lies.”

Well, congratulations.

I hate your brooding countenance.
I hate your fortune cookie-like attempts at wisdom.
I hate your entire ad campaign.
But most of all — and I’m sure this comes as no surprise — I hate you.

Get a haircut and quit staring at me. Idiot.

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8 Responses

  1. man, i love posts like this. These are the posts I would have posted had I kept up with my short-lived blog in Japan.

    Whatever you think about shit like this – don’t worry – these are the moments where you can let it out

  2. Personally that video ad on the Yamanote by an outfit called “Aviva” with the smug guy on the right makes me want to punch the screen every time I see it. Seems to be a long runner too.

    Pity about the cold but the bar last night was certainly nice (if a little painful on the wallet, at least for people coming from Germany).

  3. Hear hear!
    I really hate the smug twats on the Yamazaki Lunch Pack adverts: “Ooh look at me working through my lunch break, eating my shitty sandwiches.”

  4. When I first read the title of this post I thought it might have been about me. But then I realized you and I have never had coffee together, only beer.

    Anyway, let’s assign a name to the hatred: Masaharu Fukuyama, a has-been J-Pop singer who now mostly does TV and endorsements where he poses in a smug manner letting everyone know that, even though he’s about to be 40-something, he still pulls 21-year-old ass every chance he gets.

    I like a lot of actors/entertainers here until I see them in commercials or on billboards.

  5. And now the hatred has been named. Cheers for the info, Billy.

    But to me, he’ll always be “coffee prick.”

  6. The tag line is based on his TV show, Galileo: 嘘を突く 謎を解く (See through the lies, solve crimes).

    More info here: http://wiki.d-addicts.com/Galileo

  7. hahahaha… yep, he deserves a flying schnapp kick to the head!

  8. […] John. That’s hilarious! Check out my current favorite post of John’s here. Hello there! If you are new here, you may wish to subscribe to the RSS feed or get updates […]

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